In this edition of the Gazzetta dello /sp/, we take a look at the Best Eleven of the top division. The team selection was decided by the same super computer used to generate the BCS rankings, and therefore cannot be contested.
Goalkeeper:
Thomas Fischer (Aussie Basements FC)
The Bogans' keeper has been one of the only consistent performers for the Aussie Basements in a nightmare season for them. With 6 X11 selections to his name, he was largely responsible for the team's 6 game unbeaten run. Do not be fooled by the number of goals he conceded this season; his defenders haven't been making it easy for him.
Defenders:
Byron Neagle (Oranje)
Mr. Consistent. Neagle has featured in all of Oranje's games during their winning campaign, with his lowest player rating being an 8 which came in the only game he was booked. Otherwise, Neagle has put in stellar performances week-in week out, even providing the attacking spark on a few occasions (2 assists). He is no doubt one of the biggest contributors to his team's championship.
Tacettin Kologlu (Bzzz AFC)
One might seriously wonder how a defender on a team that conceded 25 goals in 14 games could be in the Best Eleven. When asked about his inclusion in the Dream Team, Kologlu only responded with the word "Ball". That explained everything. Kologlu might be on a team with an overall shit tier defense but he sure can make some plays once the >ball is at his feet.
Wilson Connor (Trollchester United) - MVP
Trollchester United conceded only 6 goals this season. Not even the runaway champions Oranje came close to this impressive record. It therefore goes without saying that the Trolls possess the best defensive unit of the division. Wilson Connor is the youngest one in this unit; he is arguably the best, as well. With a league-high 9 X11 selections, the 24 year old has been one of the outstanding performers this season. The scary part is he can only improve from here.
Midfielders:
Leonard McAuley (Bzzz AFC)
McAuley is the type of midfielder any manager would want in their team. He can both score goals and provide them (3 goals, 4 assists) which makes him one of the top playmakers in Qatar. He had some disciplinary issues during the campaign but even that could not stop us from putting him in the Best Eleven. That is how good he is.
Nicolas McCauley (Oh the Lulz)
No, he is not related to Leonard McAuley - at least not to our knowledge - but he can certainly be seen to be as good as his (almost) namesake. Four of his five goals this season were scored from free-kicks, reinforcing his reputation as the premier set-piece specialist in the division. Bzzz AFC will not disagree with this assessment.
Matthew Gareth (Bzzz AFC)
When people talk about Bzzz AFC's midfield, they often forget Matthew Gareth. After all, he plays with one of the best playmakers in the division in Leonard McAuley so he can sometimes be overshadowed by his older team mate. However, Gareth is just as important to the Bzzz midfield. With the opposition generally focusing on McAuley, it is usually up to Gareth to step up and control the game for Bzzz. And he rarely disappoints.
Stuart Austin (Aussie Basements FC)
In one of his press conferences, Bogan manager Joselol attributed his team's slow start to the season to the poor fitness level of his star midfielder, Stuart Austin. This shows how important a piece he is to the Aussie Basements team. Runner-up for the MVP trophy last season, Austin sometimes showed the same moments of brilliance this season, even though it was not enough to help his team stay up.
Forwards:
Nikolai Nesmachny (Mild-Mannered Men)
It is maybe pointless to introduce Nesmachny. The guy is already a legend and probably a lock for the Hall of Fame. He is one of the most prolific scorers of the league (46 goals in 80 games) and this season was no different. Nesmachny terrorized opposition's defenses with 10 goals in 14 games, helping his team to a respectable 3rd place finish.
Giuliano Rossi (Bzzz AFC)
Rossi may not score a lot for a striker but he is still an invaluable member of his team. As if guys like McAuley and Gareth were not good enough, Rossi adds another creative spark to Bzzz AFC's attack (4th best in Qatar despite being relegated). Giuliano Rossi is also one of the best divers in the league by virtue of his Italian genes. Ability to cheat: a major asset in any striker's arsenal.
Earl Chillingworth (Oh the Lulz)
You can laugh at his zero goals this season, just like it is okay to laugh at the Rooney: 0 goals, Torres: 0 goals and Messi: 0 goals images floating around the press. However, just like these players, the "Earl of Chillingworth" makes his team better just by being on the pitch. His team mates feed off his super charisma and positive energy, and that alone justifies his inclusion in the Qatar Dream Team.
Substitutes/Honorable mentions:
Dennis Gianasia (Forward - Trollchester United)
Gianasia's stat sheet this season: 11 goals and 3 assists. Impressive to say the least. His omission from the first XI might be seen as a travesty but given the accuracy of the super computer (same one which determines the Junior Handegg rankings), there should be no controversy.
Dermot Pertwee (Goalkeeper - Oranje)
Oranje can be lucky to have a goalkeeper like Pertwee. This season, he posted a mind-blowing 82% save percentage, making the already impermeable Oranje defense almost impossible to break through. Aussie Basements manager Joselol still hates Pertwee for singlehandedly denying his team an upset win.
Mathew Gillett (Midfielder - Strong Island)
The lack of Strong Island players in the Dream Team is not an insult to the runners-up quality but more of an indication of how balanced their team is. Among those players, however, Mathew Gillett is the standout performer. His 4 goals and 2 assists this season may not necessarily show the full extent of his influence on his team.
Clark Folan (Midfielder - Bzzz AFC)
Another Bzzz AFC midfield magician. Scoring 8 goals from midfield is extremely impressive and this is exactly what Folan did in Season 5. His influence on the game may not be as big as McAuley's or Gareth's, but ask any manager if they would love a free-scoring midfielder like Folan. The answer would surely be yes.
Simão Peres (Defender - Trollchester United)
If a team concedes only 6 goals the whole season, their defenders must be good. Peres fits the description of good defender. Along with Wilson Connor, he marshaled the Trolls' backline, which was as stingy as a jew in the past campaign.
No comments:
Post a Comment