BZZZZZZZ Division Season 3 Update: Fail Bowl I - Dynasty 0, Zeon 0 ...of course

After five games this season, there are so many great stories we could be leading off with. Defending champ Trollchester United is top of the table again, picking up right where it left off, and leading us to belive that, just maybe, last season's title wasnt a total fluke. Promoted side Aussie Basements FC is surprising nobody with their success; they've been winners at every level and BZZZZZZZ is proving to be no exception to the rule. And of course, the resurgent Mild-Mannered Men deserve mention as well, showing themselves to be in the thick of the title hunt as they prove that last season's struggles were an anomaly. Yes, those are all fantastic stories we could be focusing on right now, but that's not what we're gonna' do. Instead we turn our attention to the bottom dwellers of the division, meeting for the first time this season in what could only be termed an exercise in futility...

Dynasty 0 - 0 Principality of Zeon

That scoreline pretty much sums up their entire season thus far, as these two sides are sitting at the bottom of BZZZZZZZ Division right now and yesterday's match shows exactly why. 90 minutes, 6 yellow cards, NO goals. Not only did both sides have their chances to score, but they also each managed to get a goal called back for a petty foul. Zeon lost out when Afshin Sirkonan's 6th minute header off an Irving Sansom cross was nullified when referee George Buske (S2 H9, naturally) ruled that Sirkonan had gained an illegal advantage with a shirt pull of a Dynasty defender. And in the 62nd minute, Dynasty lost out on a potential game-winner when Rogerio Ramalho was called for a foul as he rose above his defender to head the ball past Zeon keeper Hamid Farimani. Clearly, we have a case of two teams that just can't catch a break.

That Dynasty would find themselves in last place at this point in the season probably isn't much of a surprise. Murikan is notorious for starting out slowly, then finally pulling it together. Last season, he managed to finish near the top of the table. Whether or not he can pull off a similar feat remains to be seen, however.

Zeon, on the other hand, has got to be the most colossal disappointment in the history of /sp/ league. In seasons past, Cruceh has perfected the art of the second place finish, but after 5 games, he sits 7th out of 8, with a meager 2 points, ahead of Dynasty only because of a greater total goals scored. Quite simply, results like this are absolutely unacceptable given Cruceh's history of excellence. Why Zeon can't get the results has been the topic of rampant specualation. His side, on paper, is one of /sp/ League's strongest and Cruceh is highly regraded as a brilliant and astute manager. Could it be that he's lost control of the locker room, and his players just won't play for him to the best of their abilities anymore? If something doesn't change, it's only a matter of time before Cruceh ragequits, leaving Murikan as commisioner and dooming our entire league straight to hell. In the meantime, we can only hope that Zeon manage turn things around, but honestly, it is a BIG FUCKING HOLE they are in right now.

Current BZZZZZZZ Division Standings

1. Trollchester United, 12 pts; 2. Aussie Basements FC, 11 pts; 3. Mild-Mannered Men, 10 pts; 4. DOUK City FC, 7 pts; 5. Bzzz AFC, 7 pts; 6. BRETTFAVRES, 4 pts, 7. Principality of Zeon, 2 pts; 8. Dynasty, 2 pts

BZZZZZZZ Division Rundown

After the first two games in Season 3, here's how BZZZZZZ Division has sorted itself out so far...

1. Trollchester United – Right now, Trollchester sits at the top of the table having won their first two games. Whether or not United is a legit title contender, however, is far from certain. The addition of Bruce Chapman is a slight boost to a midfield sorely in need of star power, but the injury to Casey Watson will keep them from reaching their full potential for some time. United’s two victories have been rather lackluster 1-0 wins against a Dynasty side that is notorious for starting slow and a FreeBags team without an active manager. Still, Troll United remains the only team with a full six-out-of-six points, which puts them in first for now. Only time, and the rigors of an increasingly difficult schedule, will tell if they can maintain it.

2. Strong Island – With one win and one tie, Strong Island sits in second place based on a higher “Goals For” value. After a disappointing slide in the second half of last season, Strong Island looks to be in solid form entering Season 3 with legit results over first-rate opponents, first a 1-1 draw against title-holders Mild-Mannered Men and a convincing 3-1 victory over UMAD FC. Manager Strong_Island has shown his craftiness not only in selecting tactics, but in his willingness to play unconventional formations such as a 5-3-2 or a 4-2-4. Combined with star striker Kieran Clare already in top scoring form, at this point, the Guidos look like a definite threat to stick around in the top half of the table.

3. Principality of Zeon – Ahead of NEST FC on goal differential, Zeon sits comfortably in third place. Their opening match was a yawn-inducing 0-0 tie, notable only for manager Cruceh apparent mind-reading act in guessing NEST’s formation. But in their second game against Dynasty, Zeon came alive, cruising to a 3-1 win over Dynasty. Even at this early point in the season, we can definitely assume three things about Principality of Zeon: that Cruceh is a managerial force to be reckoned with, midfielder Afshin Sirkonan (last game: 1 goal, 2 assists, 12 rating) is a superstar that opposing managers must somehow contend with, and Zeon will challenge for the title this season. With their next game against bottom-dweller FreeBags FC, it goes without saying that we can look for Zeon to move up in the standings.

4. NEST FC – With a stunning victory over Season 2 champions Mild-Mannered Men, NEST FC has turned heads and raised eyebrows all over /sp/ league. A well-balanced side with the skill to finish mid-table at the very least, NEST looks certain to challenge for the final safe spot, or possibly even higher in BZZZZZZZ Division. Escaping the first two games unbeaten against last season’s top two teams shows that the potential is great for this NEST side. A win next game against Strong Island would prove that NEST FC is definitely for real.

5. UMAD FC – Finding itself stuck in mid-table with one win and one loss, UMAD FC is a side that still should not be counted out. After rolling to a 3-0 opening victory over FreeBags, UMAD hit a bump in the road, getting trolled 3-1 by Strong Island and their awkward-but-somehow-effective 4-2-4 formation. Even at age 34, Shay French remains a crucial part of UMAD’s midfield, and despite a loss from a team with a history of somewhat inconsistent results, you can never truly count out manager HugoReyes and his ability to keep his team moving forward and challenging for the top spots. Certainly, UMAD will be in a fight to stay out of the relegation zone, but it’s a battle they are well-equipped for,

6. Mild-Mannered Men – Probably the shock of the season thus far has been the slow start of Season 2 champions Mild-Mannered Men. After drawing against Strong Island then falling 3-1 to NEST FC, manager Stroyent is working hard to get his team back in a groove. Top forward Nikolai Nesmachny has yet to find his scoring touch, but once he and his teammates find their form, only a total moron would rule out the possibility of a MMM title repeat. Still, with the smaller division resulting in a shorter season, Stroyent’s men will have to get on track sooner than later, or kiss their hopes of repeat glory goodbye.

7. Dynasty – With two losses in two games, Dynasty remains a puzzle wrapped in an enigma. Murikan postures himself as God’s gift to Xpert Eleven, and yet, his team has underperformed. Midfielder Dakota Gorski is given almost messianic reverence, but in actuality, has yet to tally a single goal or assist and has been largely invisible. Maybe Murikan’s approach to team-building has been somewhat misguided. Maybe his aging roster is just too old to be able to reach their form quickly enough in the shortened time constraints of a smaller division. What we do know is that Dynasty always picks their game up in the second half of the season. Whether or not it will be enough to save them from relegation is a whole other matter.

8. FreeBags FC - At this point, there is little that can be said about this once-proud former champion. Unless BagsFlyFree returns from his hiatus to lead his side to glory once again, the only drama regarding FreeBags will be whether they will finish the season winless, or manage to pull a magical ClingingMars-style result out of thin air every now and then.