Division I Update/Power Rankings

In honor of FIFA's recent decision to award the 2022 World Cup to some shithole desert country the size of Connecticut that has expected gametime temperatures of 105 degrees and NO GODDAMN INFRASTRUCTURE, it seems that Division I has been renamed the Qatar Division instead of BZZZZZZ, which is now assigned to Cruceh's branch of Division II, allowing him to imagine that he never got relegated. Whatever. We have better things to focus our attention on, like the MASSIVE CLUSTERFUCK at the top of /sp/ League three games into the season. Except for Bzzz AFC, which has lost every game it has played so far, each team in Qatar Division has only one win, with just one point separating 1st from 7th place in the standings. Let's see if we can shed some light on who, at this point, really is the strongest. Remember, these are not the standings, they are POWER RANKINGS, a subjective asessment of what teams are stronger. Just because the 1st place team isn't ranked #1 is no reason to bitch and moan and get all butthurt. That being said, here we go...

QATAR DIVISION POWER RANKINGS

1. Mild-Mannered Men - At this point, even though they sit at second place in the standings, Stroyent's squad has got to be considered the favorites until proven otherwise. Their starting eleven is a formidable group of veterans and the manager has what it takes to win it all, because he's done it before. Until they lose a game, there's only one place for MMM to sit, and that's the top.
   
   
2. Strong Island - With a win in their previous match against two-time defending champ Trollchester United, the Guidos are proving that they will be a force to be reckoned with. With ties against MMM and Aussie Basements FC, Strong Island has gone up against three solid teams led by three of the most distinguished managers in /sp/ League and not lost a single game. Strong Island is in it to win it.
   
   
3. Trollchester United - Despite a bit of a hiccup in their narrow loss to Strong Island in the last match, United has proven that they have what it takes to be a dominant team, notably in their 4-0 pounding of an Oh The Lulz side that had simliarly destroyed Aussie Basements the week before. Speaking of proving themselves, Trollchester has done all that and more with their two titles and unmatched five seasons in Division I. D1V3GRA55 has shown himself to be a winner year in and year out, never finishing below 3rd place in any season. On top of that, his team is so fucking old, that this is probably his last shot at glory before a third of the squad retires. Never count out a championship team that's making it's last stand.
   
   
4. Oranje - Yes, this team is still in first place, but they still have a bit to prove before they can be considered worthy of a Top 3 ranking. Their victory came against a Bzzz AFC team that everyone seems to be beating up on this season, so what does that prove? Having had one tie against Trollchester, their other draw is against Oh The Lulz, a team that Troll United beat in dominating fashion. Advantage, Trollchester. Oranje will have to settle for 4th for now, with a great chance to prove their worth in their next match against Mild-Mannered Men.
   
   
5. Aussie Basements FC - After an embarrasing loss to Oh The Lulz made for a disastrous start to the season, the Bogans have steadily improved and re-established themselves as a solid team. Yesterday's shoutout win over DOUK City FC showed that, just maybe, the opening match was an anomaly. Manager Joselol has distingushed himself with titles at the lower divisions and regular selections to the Xpert Eleven team. With momentum in their favor and a strong managerial pedigree, the Aussies are poised to be a contender.
   
   
6. DOUK City FC - Despite the same record as Aussie Basements, City's form seems to be heading in the wrong direction. With the Aussies getting the nod due to their head to head victory over DOUK, City is going to have to shake themselves out of a streak that saw them win their first game, but then tie, and then lose. With their next game away at Trollchester, things might get worse for IggyStar before they get better.
   
   
7. Oh The Lulz - Consistency is the key for this team to improve its ranking. Good teams just don't win easily one week, and then get blown out the next. A tie against Oranje was a good start at finding some stability, but to earn some respect in a tough division, Oh The Lulz will really need to establish a good run of form before anyone can expect them to be for real.
   
   
8. Bzzz AFC - The only team not to get a single point from the first three matches, is Bzzz AFC this season's >Dynosty? Right now, it looks like this side will be nothing more than cannon fodder. How long before Lazy_Student ragequits? Two weeks? Three weeks? Tomorrow?

Qatar Divison Standings

1. Oranje (5p, +4GD)
2. Mild-Mannered Men (5p, +1GD)
3. Strong Island (5p, +1GD)
4. Trollchester United (4p, +3GD)
5. Oh The Lulz (4p, 0GD)
6. DOUK City FC (4p, 0GD)
7. Aussie Basements FC (4p, -3GD)
8. Bzzz AFC (0p, -6GD)

BZZZZZZZ Division Rundown

After the first two games in Season 3, here's how BZZZZZZ Division has sorted itself out so far...

1. Trollchester United – Right now, Trollchester sits at the top of the table having won their first two games. Whether or not United is a legit title contender, however, is far from certain. The addition of Bruce Chapman is a slight boost to a midfield sorely in need of star power, but the injury to Casey Watson will keep them from reaching their full potential for some time. United’s two victories have been rather lackluster 1-0 wins against a Dynasty side that is notorious for starting slow and a FreeBags team without an active manager. Still, Troll United remains the only team with a full six-out-of-six points, which puts them in first for now. Only time, and the rigors of an increasingly difficult schedule, will tell if they can maintain it.

2. Strong Island – With one win and one tie, Strong Island sits in second place based on a higher “Goals For” value. After a disappointing slide in the second half of last season, Strong Island looks to be in solid form entering Season 3 with legit results over first-rate opponents, first a 1-1 draw against title-holders Mild-Mannered Men and a convincing 3-1 victory over UMAD FC. Manager Strong_Island has shown his craftiness not only in selecting tactics, but in his willingness to play unconventional formations such as a 5-3-2 or a 4-2-4. Combined with star striker Kieran Clare already in top scoring form, at this point, the Guidos look like a definite threat to stick around in the top half of the table.

3. Principality of Zeon – Ahead of NEST FC on goal differential, Zeon sits comfortably in third place. Their opening match was a yawn-inducing 0-0 tie, notable only for manager Cruceh apparent mind-reading act in guessing NEST’s formation. But in their second game against Dynasty, Zeon came alive, cruising to a 3-1 win over Dynasty. Even at this early point in the season, we can definitely assume three things about Principality of Zeon: that Cruceh is a managerial force to be reckoned with, midfielder Afshin Sirkonan (last game: 1 goal, 2 assists, 12 rating) is a superstar that opposing managers must somehow contend with, and Zeon will challenge for the title this season. With their next game against bottom-dweller FreeBags FC, it goes without saying that we can look for Zeon to move up in the standings.

4. NEST FC – With a stunning victory over Season 2 champions Mild-Mannered Men, NEST FC has turned heads and raised eyebrows all over /sp/ league. A well-balanced side with the skill to finish mid-table at the very least, NEST looks certain to challenge for the final safe spot, or possibly even higher in BZZZZZZZ Division. Escaping the first two games unbeaten against last season’s top two teams shows that the potential is great for this NEST side. A win next game against Strong Island would prove that NEST FC is definitely for real.

5. UMAD FC – Finding itself stuck in mid-table with one win and one loss, UMAD FC is a side that still should not be counted out. After rolling to a 3-0 opening victory over FreeBags, UMAD hit a bump in the road, getting trolled 3-1 by Strong Island and their awkward-but-somehow-effective 4-2-4 formation. Even at age 34, Shay French remains a crucial part of UMAD’s midfield, and despite a loss from a team with a history of somewhat inconsistent results, you can never truly count out manager HugoReyes and his ability to keep his team moving forward and challenging for the top spots. Certainly, UMAD will be in a fight to stay out of the relegation zone, but it’s a battle they are well-equipped for,

6. Mild-Mannered Men – Probably the shock of the season thus far has been the slow start of Season 2 champions Mild-Mannered Men. After drawing against Strong Island then falling 3-1 to NEST FC, manager Stroyent is working hard to get his team back in a groove. Top forward Nikolai Nesmachny has yet to find his scoring touch, but once he and his teammates find their form, only a total moron would rule out the possibility of a MMM title repeat. Still, with the smaller division resulting in a shorter season, Stroyent’s men will have to get on track sooner than later, or kiss their hopes of repeat glory goodbye.

7. Dynasty – With two losses in two games, Dynasty remains a puzzle wrapped in an enigma. Murikan postures himself as God’s gift to Xpert Eleven, and yet, his team has underperformed. Midfielder Dakota Gorski is given almost messianic reverence, but in actuality, has yet to tally a single goal or assist and has been largely invisible. Maybe Murikan’s approach to team-building has been somewhat misguided. Maybe his aging roster is just too old to be able to reach their form quickly enough in the shortened time constraints of a smaller division. What we do know is that Dynasty always picks their game up in the second half of the season. Whether or not it will be enough to save them from relegation is a whole other matter.

8. FreeBags FC - At this point, there is little that can be said about this once-proud former champion. Unless BagsFlyFree returns from his hiatus to lead his side to glory once again, the only drama regarding FreeBags will be whether they will finish the season winless, or manage to pull a magical ClingingMars-style result out of thin air every now and then.